Finding my Technique

When choosing my technique, I was thinking of situations in which I feel uncomfortable in public space and which technique I could apply to change how I feel and interact in these situations. I have issues being perceived as a (gendered) body in space, so I thought I should focus on how I feel and relate to my body. This is why I choose dancing as my technique. Most of the times being perceived as a body by strangers in public doesn’t make feel comfortable but the least comfortable, I feel when dancing in public, the body in an even more vulnerable state.

I didn’t choose dancing as a technique, in the way of “I want to become the best dancer”. It wasn’t so much about improving my dancing skills but more about improving how I feel and engage with my own body with the tool of dancing. Therefore, I also choose to not do a dance course but rather to just consistently start dancing by myself at home, something I’ve rarely done before.

Actors of Dancing

After choosing my technique, I also started thinking about it theoretically in context with the seminar “Anthropology of Techniques, Techniques of Anthropology: Multimodal Ethnographies of Making” by Maxime Le Calvé and Sharon MacDonald. There we talked about how not just the person doing the technique is an actor but that also the tool they’re using to practice the technique is an actor with agency themselves. But because my tool with dancing would be my body, I thought there was just one single actor: my body.

Engaging with Dancing

Very shortly after I started dancing, I realized that there wasn’t just one actor, my body, but rather multiple actors hidden in plain sight. One of them is the space you’re in: is it your room, someone else’s room, outside, a club, a dance studio, is it a place you have been to or is it a space that is completely new to you, are you alone in the space, are you with friends, are there lots of strangers, is there a lot of space to move or is it very tight, are there only a few people around or a lot. All these differences in space also impact how you interact with it and how it interacts with you. The other actor is for one the music: What kind of music is played? Who created the music? Another actor is also the machine or the people playing the music: Are you listening from your phone, laptop, or Bluetooth speakers? Or is it a DJ? Are you listening to a live band? Are you able to change the music or decide what kind of music is played and how loud or quiet it is? Or is someone else deciding all these things for you? So, I realized very soon that it’s not just me and my body but also other agents playing a role. I decided on dancing in my room by myself. Which in my mind is the situation of which I have the most control over. I can decide for myself how to dance and what to listen to and don’t have to think about other people interacting and judging. This feels like a start, where once you feel more comfortable or just occasionally, you can change the space and let go of the decisions and control. But because for me it’s something so personal and intimate I thought it would be a good idea to start in the safest space: in my room by myself.

Later I realized that there are also somewhat two actors as part of me: my body and my mind. Even though I was meant to move and stop thinking so much for once (my physio therapist even mentioned to me that I’m thinking too much and should consider an activity like dancing which I thought was quite the funny coincidence because it happened during my time where I was just starting to dance), I realized that I was still thinking a lot. But I’m also not sure if this was connected to having to write a journal about my technique. I felt like I always had the most interesting thoughts about the technique during the dancing but was also thinking about how I should stop thinking and just dancing but was also worried about forgetting my “great” thoughts. I felt like I didn’t get one concrete answer but rather many more questions about the technique and what can be learned from it but isn’t that kind of the goal when engaging with something. So there always opened new thoughts, strings, and ideas, I was kind of dancing in my mind as well . Another thing about the documentation part that I realized was that I was only documenting it by writing about it, not taking any pictures or videos. I felt good with those decisions because one of the only options would have been to take a self-timed video while dancing but then I would also feel like being watched which would impact my dancing, another actor on the scene.

Teachings of my Technique

What I realized after dancing for some time was that it was truly not about getting impressive dancing skills. Of course, it felt great when I felt like I improved my dancing, but I also realized that because for me it’s such an intimate and personal process that it’s also a very slow process which takes a long time but is then very organic and sustainable, something I prefer over fast and unsustainable skill acquiring (which from time to time can also be fun). Talking about fun, I realized I had more fun the more I danced. In the beginning I dreaded my designated time to dance but then I actually started looking forward to it and had in general more of a desire to dance around. I felt happy and good while dancing and the effect also lasted after I stop dancing. The process being a very slow one, if felt more like getting to know a tool (in this case my body) very slowly and intimately to then use it later in the best way possible because I truly know it and can move with it and not just trying to dictate it around. I then also realized that I wanted to “improve” my tool to have even more possibilities. And by that, I mean that for example stretching or strength training would feel like great other techniques to add to this technique of body movement/dancing. This might then lead to other techniques and so on, which seems like an organic and fun way to find new techniques and engage with them.

So, I would recommend everyone to start dancing or just engaging with your body more deeply or even better, ask yourself: In which context, situation, space do I feel the most uncomfortable and what would be a useful tool/technique to change how I feel?